How to Deal with People Who Drain Your Energy

You know the feeling. You hang up the phone or leave the coffee catch-up and feel completely depleted. Some people just drain you. And you're not sure what to do about it.

Why Some People Drain Us

Energy-draining relationships often involve:

• One-way dynamics: They vent, you listen. They take, you give. There's no reciprocity.
• Constant negativity: Every conversation is a crisis. Nothing is ever okay.
• Emotional labour: You're always managing their feelings, walking on eggshells
• Boundary violations: They don't respect your time, energy, or limits
• Drama creation: Chaos follows them wherever they go

The Compassion Trap

Research on compassion fatigue shows that many empathetic people struggle here. You want to help. You feel guilty setting limits. You tell yourself they're going through a hard time (but it's been a hard time for years now).

Compassion for others shouldn't come at the complete expense of your wellbeing. You can care about someone and also protect your energy.

Strategies That Work

• Time limits: "I have 20 minutes to chat" — and stick to it
• Reduced frequency: You don't have to respond immediately or meet up every time they ask
• Topic boundaries: "I'm not able to discuss [topic] today"
• Redirect to action: "What do you think you'll do about that?" instead of just absorbing the venting
• Energy audits: After interactions, notice how you feel. Adjust accordingly.

For more on this, our complete guide on setting boundaries covers specific scripts and approaches.

When to Distance

Some relationships can be managed with better boundaries. Others need more distance. Consider stepping back if:

• You dread every interaction
• They refuse to respect any limits you set
• The relationship has been one-sided for a long time
• You feel worse about yourself after time with them
• Nothing ever changes despite conversations about it

If you're running on empty in general, these dynamics compound with burnout.

You're Not Responsible for Their Feelings

Boundary research shows that setting limits might upset people who've benefited from your lack of them. That discomfort is theirs to manage, not yours to prevent.

Protecting your energy isn't selfish. It's necessary. You can't pour from an empty cup, and you certainly can't help others if you're depleted.

Choose relationships that feel sustainable. Invest in people who invest back.