Understanding Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

When danger appears, your nervous system doesn't ask for permission. It just acts. These automatic responses - fight, flight, freeze, and fawn - evolved to keep you alive. But they can also show up in everyday situations that aren't actually life-threatening.

Understanding your patterns can be transformative. According to Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, our nervous system constantly scans for danger and safety, determining which survival response to activate.

The Four Responses

Fight: The confrontational response. Anger, aggression, the urge to take control. This shows up as arguing, defensiveness, or trying to dominate a situation.

Flight: The escape response. Anxiety, avoidance, the urge to run. This shows up as overworking, staying busy, or physically leaving situations.

Freeze: The shutdown response. Numbness, dissociation, inability to act. This shows up as feeling stuck, zoning out, or being unable to make decisions.

Fawn: The people-pleasing response. Appeasing, merging with others' needs, losing yourself. This shows up as excessive agreeableness, ignoring your own needs, and prioritising others' comfort. The term was coined by therapist Pete Walker in his work on complex trauma.

Why We Default to One

Most people have a default response that kicks in automatically. This default was usually learned early in life based on what worked in your environment. Research on developmental trauma shows how early experiences shape our nervous system responses.

If fighting back led to worse outcomes, you might have learned to fawn. If freezing helped you survive, that became your go-to. Your nervous system was being smart with the options it had.

Recognising Your Pattern

Ask yourself:

• When stressed, do I tend to get angry/controlling (fight)?
• Do I want to escape or keep busy to avoid sitting with discomfort (flight)?
• Do I shut down, go blank, or feel unable to act (freeze)?
• Do I automatically prioritise others, people-please, or lose my own perspective (fawn)?

Understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing. If you're unsure about your patterns, exploring your attachment style can provide additional insight.

Expanding Your Options

The goal isn't to eliminate these responses - they can be protective. It's to have more choice about when to use them.

• Notice: "I'm going into fight mode right now"
• Pause: Create a tiny gap between stimulus and response
• Regulate: Deep breaths, grounding techniques, orienting to safety
• Choose: Is this response serving me here? What else could I do?

Self-Compassion Is Key

These responses aren't character flaws. They're survival adaptations. Your nervous system did what it needed to do to get you through difficult situations.

Now, in safer circumstances, you can gently expand your repertoire. Not because you're broken, but because you have more options now than you did then. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can support this process.

Understanding your trauma responses isn't about blame. It's about awareness - and from awareness comes choice.