The Myth of Closure: Why You Might Never Get the Answers You Need

We've all been told that closure is essential for healing. That we need to understand why things ended, why someone left, why we were treated that way. The narrative suggests that once we have answers, we can finally move on.

But what if closure is a myth? What if waiting for it is actually what's keeping you stuck?

The Problem with Needing Closure

When we say we need closure, what we often mean is: "I need this to make sense so I can stop hurting."

The painful truth is that explanations don't always help. Sometimes:

• The other person doesn't know why they did what they did
• Their explanation wouldn't satisfy you anyway
• Understanding the 'why' doesn't undo the pain
• The closure conversation you imagine will never match reality

People who ghost, who leave without explanation, who hurt you and disappear - they rarely have profound insights to offer. More often, they're avoidant, confused, or simply don't care enough to explain.

Closure Is Something You Create

Here's the reframe: closure isn't something you receive from another person. It's something you build for yourself.

You don't need them to explain why they left to decide you're worth more than someone who leaves without explanation.

You don't need to understand their reasoning to know that how they treated you wasn't okay.

You don't need their permission to move forward.

How to Create Your Own Closure

• Accept the ambiguity: Some questions will never be answered. Fighting this reality creates suffering.
• Write your own ending: You get to decide what this chapter meant in your story
• Feel the feelings: Grief, anger, confusion - they all need to move through you
• Redirect your focus: From "why did they do this?" to "what do I need now?"
• Trust time: Understanding often comes later, when you least expect it

The Freedom in Letting Go

When you stop waiting for closure from someone else, something shifts. You take your power back. You're no longer on hold, waiting for someone who may never give you what you need.

The relationship, the job, the friendship - it ended. That's the only answer you truly have, and sometimes that has to be enough.

Your healing doesn't depend on their participation. You can close your own chapters.