Let's skip the part where I tell you anger is bad. It's not. Anger is information. It tells you when boundaries have been crossed, when something's unfair, when you need to protect yourself.
The problem isn't anger. It's not understanding it.
What Anger Actually Is
Anger is a secondary emotion. It almost always covers something more vulnerable underneath: hurt, fear, disappointment, shame. It's easier to feel powerful than powerless, so your brain serves up anger instead.
Research from neuroscience shows that anger activates the same brain circuits as fear — your amygdala lights up, your body prepares for action.
The Function of Anger
Anger isn't random. It serves purposes:
- Protection: It signals when your boundaries are violated
- Motivation: It creates energy to address problems
- Communication: It tells others they've crossed a line
The question isn't whether to feel angry. It's what to do with it.
If you're noticing anger affecting your relationships, our guide on healthy conflict can help you express it constructively.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anger
Healthy anger:
- Proportional to the situation
- Expressed appropriately
- Leads to problem-solving or boundary-setting
Unhealthy anger:
- Disproportionate intensity
- Expressed through aggression or suppression
- Damages relationships or self
Understanding Your Patterns
Start noticing:
- What triggers your anger?
- What does anger feel like in your body?
- How do you typically express it?
- What emotion might be underneath?
Learn more about identifying your specific anger triggers or explore evidence-based techniques for managing anger when it arises.
If you're struggling with emotional regulation more broadly, understanding anger is a key piece of the puzzle.
When Anger Becomes a Problem
Seek support if anger:
- Is your default response to most situations
- Has damaged important relationships
- Leads to aggressive behaviour
- Feels out of control
Anger management isn't about never being angry. It's about choosing your response rather than being controlled by the feeling.
