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Have you ever caught yourself mid-emotion, thinking "this is stupid, why am I feeling this way?" Maybe you cried at a commercial. Got irrationally angry at a minor inconvenience. Felt devastated by something objectively small.
Here's a radical idea: those feelings aren't stupid. They're information.
Feelings Don't Need to Make Sense
We've been taught to treat emotions like maths problems - they should have clear causes and logical solutions. But emotions don't work that way.
Your feelings arise from a complex soup of:
- Past experiences and memories
- Current stress levels
- Physical state (hunger, tiredness, illness)
- Unconscious associations
- Things you can't consciously access
Demanding that feelings be "reasonable" is like demanding that your heart rate make logical sense. It's not how the system works.
The Problem with Judging Your Emotions
When you label feelings as stupid or invalid, you don't make them go away. You just add a layer of shame on top of the original emotion.
Now you're sad AND embarrassed about being sad. Anxious AND angry at yourself for being anxious. It's like trying to put out a fire by throwing more fire at it.
Validation Isn't Agreement
Validating your feelings doesn't mean:
- The feeling is based on accurate information
- You should act on it
- It will last forever
- Other people need to change because of it
It simply means: this is what I'm experiencing right now, and that experience is real.
You can acknowledge "I feel really angry about this" while also recognising "my anger might be disproportionate to the situation."
How to Practice Emotional Validation
- Name it: "I notice I'm feeling jealous/sad/anxious"
- Accept it: "It makes sense I'd feel this way given..."
- Allow it: "I can feel this without needing to fix or change it immediately"
- Be curious: "What might this feeling be telling me?"
Feelings are messengers, not enemies. Even the "stupid" ones are trying to tell you something. Maybe you're more stressed than you realised. Maybe something touched an old wound. Maybe your body just needs rest.
Stop arguing with your emotions and start listening to them. They might have something important to say.
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